Letting Go

Letting Go

Two traveling monks reached a river where they met a young and very attractive woman. She was in despair. She had to cross the river, but was afraid to do so. The current was too strong and she was afraid of drowning. Without hesitation, the older monk picked her up onto his shoulders and carried her across the river. Arriving safely on the other bank he sat her down and bowed. She expressed her gratitude and departed. The monks continued their journey in silence. 

Unable to hold his silence any longer, the younger monk spoke with reproach “Master, of all people you should have known that our spiritual teaching forbids us contact with women, but you have picked up that one and carried her on your shoulders! How can that be!?”

“Brother,” replied the master, “I set her down on the other side of the river hours ago, but you are still carrying her.”

  ~

I learned of this parable a long time ago...and then I forgot about it.  It wasn't until recently when I felt a calling to let go of "stuff" that it came back to me.  Maybe it came back because letting go feels so hard to do, but can be so simple if we allow it.  Or maybe I just needed to be reminded.  And, thankfully, it just so happens to be the season of letting go.  Kapha season.  A time of release and renewal and re-growth.  A time when nature is calling us to let go. So what can we do to facilitate this release?  Can we make the emotional part easier by incorporating physical practices to encourage the letting go? 

Ayurveda says "yes...for sure!"

In Ayurveda, early spring is dominated by Kapha dosha, and our bodies and minds will feel the effects of its qualities: heavy, slow, cold, oily, dense, soft, and static. This can sometimes lead to a “stickiness” or a feeling of being stuck, so it makes sense why we naturally gravitate toward cleansing our systems in springtime. Why else do they call it “spring cleaning”?

Why is letting go so hard?

Kapha’s stickiness likes to hold onto things, especially those we love - things, people, emotions, or memories. While it’s beautiful to feel and love so deeply, too much of this can also lead to us clinging onto things that no longer help us grow and thrive, keeping us stuck in a negative place.

This is where the hard work comes in.  To say to yourself, “That's it, I've suffered enough and I want to change. That’s it, I want to liberate myself from this person, from this trauma, from this stickiness, from that deep pain.” The hard choice to do this is where the change, and the magic, happens.

Thankfully there are some simple Ayurvedic practices that will help you let go and move forward into a fresh space - one that creates space for growth and newness.  When you are doing these, tap into that feeling of creating movement to shed and release anything that is stuck in your tissues, any kind of stickiness to set yourself free.
 

1. Dry Brush Your Skin

If you’ve never dry brushed your skin before, now is the perfect time to start.
(Tip: Always brush toward the heart - ask Kasey if you don't know what brush to use or how to do it!)
.

The next time you dry brush, add a new understanding of why you’re doing this. On the one hand, you can say you’re brushing your skin to activate the fats and combat surface level cellulite. It's also great for stimulating lymphatic movement..our bodies drainage system. Kapha’s stickiness in your blood and liver will create a sticky mind and sticky emotions where we just get stuck. Dry skin brushing will activate and stimulate whatever is stuck - both physical and emotional - so that it can enter your body’s drainage system and be flushed from your system.

2. Drink CCF Tea

Use the support of an Ayurvedic classic: cumin, coriander, and fennel tea in Kapha season. Not only does it balance every dosha, but it is great for the kidneys and cleansing for the whole urinary system.

Every time you go to the bathroom, feel that you’re releasing and shedding the past in fluid form. You can even connect it to being “pissed off”! (LOL) You may have never thought about going to the bathroom like this before, but you can use urinating to literally let go.

3. Journal

Get it out. Let it go. Journaling is an effective way to start an Ayurveda emotional detox. Find a notebook, or choose a special bound journal. (Avoid journaling on a device.) Feel the pen in your hand, it's movement across the paper, let everything slow down.

Benefits of Writing in a Journal:
Reduces Stress and anxiety
Improves communication skills
Strengthens memory
Stimulates creativity
Provides a vehicle for processing emotions
Boosts health and a sense of wellbeing
Helps to clarify your next steps, as well as wants and needs
Boosts emotional intelligence

It's my hope that you, too, will be able to let go of something holding you back, or down, this season. With the help of these Ayurvedic tools, may we all enter the next season with a renewed sense of self and purpose!

Lessons I learned in 2022

Here we are at the second month of the year already.  It’s taken me this long to wrap my head around 2022 and begin to sort out all that happened.  Oh yeah.  It was a doozy.

It was an intense year. One of profound loss and in some ways profound gain. A year where I found joy and excitement outside of my comfort zone, yet found myself flailing at the depths of an abyss.  A year that I will never forget.

I stepped into 2022 with optimism, spunk and gratitude, and I needed every last bit of these. I was challenged.  I felt myself splintering, cracking, and there were days I felt broken. There were days I held onto that optimism, spunk and gratitude with everything I had. I was also shown compassion and love that will remain with me forever.

2022 started with a bang. Trips, new ventures, exciting collaborations, a reinvigorated zeal for Ayurveda and all that I was teaching, and yes, lots of soccer…

Then life changed forever.

With only a couple weeks left in the boys’ school year, my beautiful mom unexpectedly passed away. It felt like the earth beneath me had just collapsed. There I was with all of these new and exciting things going on, but all I could feel was my very foundation crumbling away. Smiles between sobs. Alternating between happiness and sadness. And so much guilt. Guilt for feeling any ounce of happiness when my mom had just died and guilt for feeling sad when I was so lucky in so many ways, and maybe making others uncomfortable with my sadness

But with everything that happens in life, there are things we can learn. Things we can grow from. Things we can change. And things we can let go of.  This is what I’ve been pondering over this last month…

This is what 2022 taught me:

1. Life is unexpected.
While most of us gravitate toward comfort because, well, it’s comfortable, we need to challenge ourselves to be comfortable being uncomfortable. We won’t grow sitting in our comfort zone, and if we fear the unknown and unexpected, when it enters our lives, we will struggle more. We will find life harder to navigate. The courage is to continually step outside of our comfort zone so facing the unexpected becomes less difficult.

2. We are allowed to, and need to, feel our pain.
Nobody likes to feel the intense emotional pain of loss, grief, anger, and sadness. But it needs to be felt.  When we are faced with pain, there’s a process, and no, we don’t want to sit floundering in our pain, but we are meant to feel it. Distraction as a way of helping intermittently is okay; distraction and dismissing pain ongoing is dangerous and will cause us issues both emotionally and physically down the track. (In fact, I think I’m already affected by this very thing, as I am here, currently struggling with an unapologetic, unending pain in my right leg.)  Sitting with and unpacking our pain, as difficult as that is, is the way we heal and grow from what we have been through.

3. Connection is essential.
We all need connection, but let’s not confuse what connection is. First and foremost, we need a strong connection to ourselves—an awareness and love for ourselves and who we are, which gives us both the courage and vulnerability to find contentment within. For me, I find this through my yoga practice.  There is also connection with family, friends, and like-minded souls. Maybe you see some often. Maybe you chat on the phone or FaceTime. Or perhaps it’s just a comment or tag on social media. It’s all connection.
Of course, there’s connection to romantic partners, also, but contrary to popular belief, this is not the only connection. Humans need connection, but that connection comes in many forms.
And make no mistake—the most important connection we need is the one to ourselves.

4. There is no timeline for grief.
I think there is a really screwed up the notion of what grief is and how long we should feel it. There’s no time frame and no two people will face grief in the same way. There’s no getting over it; we move through it and it changes us as we adapt to a different life. We don’t say goodbye at someone's funeral and miraculously recover and forget our loss. We don’t end a relationship, forget the person, and become immediately ready to start a new relationship. We don’t change our lives, or expect to, even for the better, without grieving our old life. It’s healthy to grieve. It’s healthy to feel. It’s healthy to spend time alone. It’s healthy for it to take as long as it takes. And it’s healthy to unpack and process in our own individual ways.  I suspect I will be doing this for a while.

5. People can only ever meet you at their level of understanding and awareness.
How many times are we hurt or upset by another’s words or actions? It's natural to expect that everyone perceives things the same way we do. We think that people will show compassion and kindness in the same way as us, and when they don’t, we feel hurt. Some people lack self-awareness, and, because of their own shit, they have closed their minds off and project.
Instead of accepting that someone is different, they judge them. Instead of being authentic, they wear a mask. Instead of working on themselves, they search for external happiness. Some people will always lack the ability to understand another view because the truth is they don’t understand or truly accept themselves.
 
6. Self-belief is critical.
There have been times over the past few years, in particular, where I lost all my self-belief. I didn’t trust I could make the best decisions for myself or that I could be anything different or more than I was. I sat in my little comfort zone, holding on for dear life because I was terrified. Then something happened, without realizing it, I took a step outside that comfort zone. I started to make big decisions by myself, for myself, and set myself little challenges of self-trust. Each time I followed through on something I promised myself, my self-belief grew.
 
7. Remove yourself from any space not conducive to your happiness.
It’s true that happiness comes from within; however, we need to be in an environment conducive to happiness, and when that’s no longer the case, we need to be brave enough to leave. Yes, there are people who will judge you and suggest you are selfish, putting your happiness above others. My response is, if I’m unhappy, it will affect all those in my life. We can be inauthentic and live a lie, but what’s that doing to us long-term and to those close to us? There’s enough in-authenticity and toxic positivity in this world and we should be teaching our children vulnerability, courage, and how to be true to how they feel. Staying in places where we feel stuck and unhappy is unhealthy for ourselves and everyone in our life.
 
8. Show up for yourself.
Show up as your most authentic self for yourself. Why are we so scared to see our truth, speak our truth, and live our truth? If we can’t be honest with ourselves, we can’t be honest with anyone else. We all have versions of ourselves, but showing up for ourselves authentically is key if we’re ever going to live the truth of our soul. When we are able to show up for ourselves, we can show up for those who matter to us.
 
9. Society’s conditioning and judgement does not have to be yours.
We are surrounded by archaic conditioning that is ruining our relationships, children, ourselves, and to some degree, society as a whole. Steeped in generational trauma due to unhealthy and limiting beliefs. But people are opening their eyes, learning and growing, and starting to understand themselves and what they need to heal and change. We don’t need to follow the narrative we are told about how relationships should be. How children should be raised. How we should live our lives and what determines happiness and success. We need to question and learn. The “when I grew up,” the “it didn’t hurt me,” the “when will you settle down?” the “this is how it’s always been done,” and all the other things that are said need to be questioned. Is this actually right for you and your life? Your family? Change can only happen when we stop blindly following the past because what “was always done” is not necessarily right, nor is it healthy.

So 2022 was a year that will stand out with some of the highest highs and the lowest lows. A year that was bittersweet in so many ways. And a year I am happy to say goodbye to and also to hold tenderly for a little while longer. A year that forced me to show up for myself at every turn.

So what can we expect from the rest of 2023? (when, to be honest, it hasn’t been a great start so far…)
I have absolutely no idea of the external events that will take place, but I do know that I’ll face them with optimism, spunk, gratitude, courage, humility, and a heavy dose of self-belief.  I will trust I am exactly where I need to be.

I know my journey of grief will continue, and I will take time to remember my mom and mourn the loss of my biggest supporter and fan. I will choose every day to speak my truth, feel what needs to be felt, and follow my soul.  After all, a life without authenticity, truth, passion, and soul really isn’t a life at all.

But I just don't see how Ayurveda would help me...

Almost every day, someone engages me in conversation about Ayurveda.  What am I up to these days?  How did I start doing this?  Do I like it?  What is it?  And in each of these moments, I attempt to present Ayurveda in its simplest form…and in a way that makes people understand how it can work for them.  But, often, I see eyes glaze over and interest fizzle as it is often hard to see how this could possibly relate to you.  You don't have a chronic disease.  You feel OK most of the time.  And your medicines work just fine, with no side effects that you feel.  

Therefore, I thought presenting a concrete example of how Ayurveda has changed someone's life - someone who experiences a lot of the same issues that people face on a regular basis (anxiety, stress-induced sleep issues, skin inflammation/rashes, heartburn, digestive issues) - would highlight Ayurveda in a different context.  A context in which people could relate.  

This client came to see me because, well, she is my best friend and probably felt obligated to help me in my clinical studies while I was in school.  I am not sure she realized how much Ayurveda would change her life…and I am not sure I realized it either.

After our initial consultation, as any great friend would, she dove in to Ayurveda.  She followed my recommendations to a tee, hoping that she would be able to help me in my studies and give me a great case to present at school.  These changes, however, quickly made an impact on her life.  These, I dare say, were unexpected changes and changes that were extremely welcome.  Because of Ayurveda, and my guidance, she was able to wean off of her anti-anxiety medication and her heartburn medication.  Her skin issues cleared up and now, if she has a flare up, she is armed with the tools to treat it and has found much success with this.  She knows what to do if she starts to feel sick, or better yet, if her kids start to get sick.  And speaking of her children, she has also started to apply the principles of Ayurveda to their lives.   Due to this, we have been able to cease chronic nose bleeds with her 6-year old son and she no longer needs to travel around with a nose-clip, "just in case".  It's these little victories that make my heart smile and remind me why I am doing what I am doing.  

So, basically, my point in sharing all of this is to show that Ayurveda isn't just for certain people.  It is the "Science of Life" and is applicable in everyone's life.  I often feel like a broken record, but I repeatedly say that it isn't just a practice for the sick…it's truly a practice for the well.  Ayurveda helps us to be the best version of ourselves.

I hope you will allow me to guide you on this journey, just as my best friend did.  I think she would tell you it was worth it.